I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize