What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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