My room smells like vodka and shame
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
