I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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