dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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