He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
