Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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