allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize