He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
