So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Drunk is not a location!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
