Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
