never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
