I'm lost and stupid without you.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize