In America we eat man semen.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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