Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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