i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
