i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
