Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
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