I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
