careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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