Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
