I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm really busy with my period
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