The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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