Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
