just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
