Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
