New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
