the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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