i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
