took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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