My liver just broke up with me...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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