it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
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Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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