i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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