So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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