Dual....:-)
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
how does that bad decision feel?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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