you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
