I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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