you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
