Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
