Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
