my soul wont recognize me after tonight
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
