1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
