He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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