Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
