Taylor Swift is so right about you.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
