I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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