Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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