??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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