They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
