Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
