I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
