it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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