I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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