member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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