Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
