my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
