I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
