ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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