My first STD was from a foam party
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
