I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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