Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
