I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
