dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
