wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
