I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
