Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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