you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
i need some magic done to my vagina
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
