As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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