Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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