she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
